How do I cure in an hour to be able to go to school and don’t sound like I can’t breathe?
the courage it took to get out of bed each
to face the same things
over and over
Bang issue #4, July 2003
I slept for so long I missed one class today, I feel guilty but it’s fine as long as I feel guilty instead of relieved.
I answered an email half asleep to an woman older than me in informal language. She didn’t say anything though.
I hope you all know I only post pictures where I think I look kinda decent, and I don’t look like that most of the time. Almost never to be honest. I look too tired and old most of the time.
Just to let you know because I’m honestly thankful when you give me compliments but then I start feeling guilty and fake and like I’m not being totally honest presenting an image that doesn’t entirely represents me. I’m making a big deal of it, I’m sorry, but it makes me feel fake an guilty when you call me pretty, I’m not, it’s only a really good picture.
"I’d also gone through an entire year of celibacy based on my feeling that lust was the direct cause of birth which was the direct cause of suffering and death and I had really no lie come to a point where I regarded lust as offensive and even cruel. “Pretty girls make graves,” was my saying."
"Dharma Bums" by Jack Kerouac
I’m thinking of stopping posting pictures of myself.